Miranda #OFFSCENE: Where do YOU put your hands at the theatre?

WHAT TO DO WITH your hands at the Theatre

Sponsored by the NSHT (National Society of Hands at Theatre): a guide for where to place your hands while watching a show. BECAUSE THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT.


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1. Polite Hand Clasp

Good for: pretending you’ve got class, staying in your bubble or if you gotta hold in the runs

Bad for: the rebellious and revolutionary

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2. Casual Pocket Fisting

Good for: keeping your hands warm, hiding your palm sweat from any surrounding people and keeping yourself from fidgeting

Bad for: any pair of hands that suffer from severe claustrophobia

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3. Electric Chair

Good for: hogging the arm rests, fixing your scoliosis and looking pristine af

Bad for: slouchers, if you chill too hard or if you’re looking for a casual entertainment experience

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4. The Giving Tree

Good for: awkward people who have strong-ass arms that can hold this position for more than an hour

Bad for: anyone who would rather rest their damn muscles

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5. Cheek Cozy

Good for: anyone with a heavy head

Bad for: hands that refuse to touch faces, people with rough cheeks or pointy chins

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6. The Log

Good for: Abraham Lincoln enthusiasts

Bad for: if you’re a Barbie or a T. rex

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7. Sit on me hands

Good for: people with cold hands, cushy ass skin or bony butts

Bad for: people who hate when their hands fall asleep

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8. Double Chinned

Good for: the back row of the audience or activation of full-on relax mode

Bad for: the front row or any other row that has people behind you, so like the whole theatre… just stick to the back, okay?

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9. Into The Action

Good for: dramatic shows with lots of intense shouting matches or praying the intermission will come sooner so you can get snaxx

Bad for: any type of comedy or if you’re an atheist

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10. SQUISH

Good for: if you want to remember what it was like in the womb

Bad for: if you are a cardboard cutout

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11. ‘O’ Face

Good for: if you happen to be shocked but also need a stretch

Bad for: if nothing phases you and you hate stretching

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12. Lean Wit It

Good for: if you’re familiar with the 2001 hit single by Dem Franchize Boyz: "Lean wit It, Rock wit It"

Bad for: if you were born after 2008, because you probably don’t even know what that song is

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13. Do The Macarena

Good for: getting people riled up, getting to know your neighbors and causing a spontaneous flash mob

Bad for: those who don’t know the Macarena

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14. OverHype

Good for: making a SCENE, causing an uproar or starting a wave

Bad for: people who have never been on a roller coaster ‘cuz ya know, you’re not familiar with the haha arm situation…ha-ha

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15. Frog Legs

Good for: those who enjoy imagining sitting on a lily pad on a pond in Florida

Bad for: anyone above the age of 65

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16. Nursin’

Good for: baby lovers

Bad for: people lacking any maternal bones in their bodies

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17. OverConfidently Comfortable

Good for: An empty aisle, wanting to push people’s buttons, exercising your love of not giving a single f**k

Bad for: if you don’t want to bring sexy back


APRIL FOOLS BITCH!!!!

put yo hands however and wherever you want!