Q: How to Being Gracefully Late to the Theater?

Theater tickets often warn that one is doomed if they arrive to a show even a single minute late. As someone whose 5-minute power naps frequently turn into 3-hour real naps, I’ve found that that’s rarely the case. Theaters want people to fill up their seats and so, by just following a few simple steps, you can make sure that your poor time management skills don’t come between you and the magic of theater.   

1.  Walk with purpose.

Sure you’ve just arrived for an 8pm show at exactly 8:47pm but, dammit, you are a patron of the arts! Hold your head up high and walk up to the box office with confidence like the ticket holder you are!

2. Don’t apologize for being late.

No matter what your reason for being late, no one needs your apology. Just make sure to be a calm and couth human being as you ask to be seated.

3. Graciously accept whatever seat you’re directed to.

So you’ve been directed to plop yourself down on a step in the aisle and your seatmates are the pungent feet of an older man…Gross. Deal with it. Seating reserved for latecomers can sometimes be the worst seats in the house but, hey, at least they let your tardy ass inside.

4. Once seated, get right into the show.

You are 47 minutes late. This is absolutely NOT THE TIME to answer texts or check how many seconds ago your boyfriend liked some girl’s “fitness” photos on Instagram. Eyes on the stage. Eyes. On. The. Stage.

5.  Thank the staff on your way out.

The person who was cool enough to let you in even when you showed up ten minutes after the first act with a bedhead and a mysterious orange stain on your shirt? They didn’t have to do that. Kindly say thank you and don’t forget to set an alarm next time.