POST: 'The Book of Mormon' - all the tension in my cheeks

What I experienced?

Jeffrey Dahmer dancing in Mormon hell with Hitler? Yes please.

Dahmer's an adorable dancer until you realize he killed so many people :)

Dahmer's an adorable dancer until you realize he killed so many people :)

After two years of waiting to see this musical I’ve made it. In orchestra seats thanks to my brother. I think a lot of people will agree that getting tickets to BOM (Book of Mormon) for christmas is pretty f*king great. The 5 weeks waiting period from getting the tickets to waiting for the actually day of the show involved some brief preparation. Some Mormon documentaries (unholy hell there are a lot of conspiracy theories) and “I Believe” on constant replay = I was ready.

I think I'm gonna need facial exercises to deal with all the tension in my cheeks after this show. Laughing for two hours straight does that to the human face. Is lockjaw possible from incessant laughter? Regardless, of the possible lockjaw the high levels of dopamine - rare for me - made it all go unnoticed until the end of the first act.  

Everyone knows (or you’re gonna google it right now) about BOM. Rundown is: created by the dudes behind South Park so the kind of comedy used gives zero f*cks and everything that exists on this planet is fair game to be made fun of. Yes, it’s crude and borderline racist, but has anyone taken a minute to look at the news or walk down any street in NYC? Welcome to America’s ugly side. Also whilst doing some research post show - the caffeine restriction in the Mormon religion was a little confusing to me - I saw how charming the Mormon church could be. It seems when they were asked about their thoughts on the musical the response was “the book is always better.” They even bought ad space in the LA playbill for the show! I mean, come on man. How charming is that?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Marketing: 1
Any other Church’s Marketing: 0

Before I infest this piece will my emotional baggage I have to talk about Elder Cunningham. So many questions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

Hello whoever reads this stuff at The Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,

I’m not religiously affiliated right now, but that can change. I’m mostly inquiring about the potential existence of an Elder by the name of Cunningham. Is he real? If I convert, do I get to pick my Elder? Because I want an Elder Cunningham. Also if I do go on with the conversion, is the no coffee thing negotiable? I’ve been drinking (or “addicted” as you’re more likely to put it) to that for 8 years and at this point not even Jesus could get me off of that. Last one I promise…..can Elder Cunningham call me Neutrogena? Or Nala, Neosporin, or whatever he want to call me honestly I don’t care if he can’t pronounce my name. Okay, cool.

P.S. Thanks for giving America people like Mitt Romney.

Amen (?),


While PR team answers those questions for me, let's continue with the brief but uncomfortably emotional aspect of my experience with this show. My brother and I are the complete opposite of ‘open books’, we’re closed af. Exhibiting emotion isn’t a common thing for us, frankly it’s uncomfortable for both of us, but it would be a dishonor to this show if I don’t credit it for making my robot of a brother open up to me. Even though this was his gift to me, most if not all gifts we give each other are usually experiences for both of us. In recent years going to see shows has become this unofficial way of bonding for us. I should have known this would be some kind of emotional breakthrough (god, that’s dramatic) since we watch South Park together on weekends, but I wasn’t expecting him to thank me for opening him up to the theatre - then we went to Shake Shack and had some bomb burgers.

One emotional breakthrough at a time for us, thank you very much. We'll do some more emotional exploration at a Latter-day *wink wink*. 

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